Posted by
Marcy Muser on Monday, March 05, 2007 11:44:14 PM
Because homeschooling removes dollars from the public education system, education officials are constantly on the lookout for new ways to force homeschoolers back into the system. Now it would seem they've hit on a new tactic - one they have sold to at least one judge. It's not uncommon for homeschooling parents to be accused of "educational neglect," but this argument surpasses most in terms of sheer boldness.
Consent of the Governed has a post up today on the new accusation of "enmeshment." It's well worth the read, but here's the gist of the argument:
Proving that parents who instruct at home are not “neglectful”
may be an inconvenience, but has been relatively easy to do.
The very fact that we care for, nurture, educate and engage
ourselves with our children is proof that we are not neglecting
them. Right?
Wrong.
Now, a new threat looms on the horizon. It is a threat because
it will attempt to prove that a parent is neglectful when they
homeschool their children.
Black’s Law Dictionary defines “neglect” as “to omit, fail, or
forbear to do a thing that can be done, or that is required to
be done…”
Webster’s Dictionary defines “enmesh” as “to entangle in…”
The term “enmeshment” has found its way into psychological
and sociological literature. While it is not yet a recognized
“diagnosis”, it has gained apparent widespread popularity
among the psychological and sociological community, particularly
among those who are intimately involved with governmental
agencies in determining whether or not children are “neglected.”
Unfortunately, the term “enmeshment” has been used,
astonishingly enough, to find parents guilty of “emotional neglect”,
as one judge put it, because “there is a fine line between
protection and overreaction.” In that case, the parent was
found to be “emotionally neglectful” due to “enmeshment” for
“fostering in her child a feeling of mistrust toward school
officials and teachers.” In one judicial case, the parent simply
wanted the school officials and teachers to follow the
instructions of the child’s physician to administer medication
immediately to the child in the event of an allergic reaction. The
psychologist who found that the parent and child were “enmeshed”
did so by concluding that the child is “strongly aligned
emotionally and intellectually with his mother, dependent
upon her to a very significant degree, and relying on her views
and actions to protect him and to keep him alive.” One would
think that this would be considered to be the ultimate duty of
a parent, the duty to protect and to keep the child alive. The court,
however, found the parent and child to be “significantly enmeshed”
such that the parent was deemed “emotionally neglectful” of the
child.
In essence, for a parent to be aligned emotionally and
intellectually with a child for the purpose of protecting the child
constituted “neglect”.
This is fundamentally an oxymoron, to say the least.
“Enmeshment” would appear to be the opposite of “neglect”,
yet, it has proven to be the basis for a court finding of neglect!
If a parent cannot disprove neglect by protection and care, how
can a parent disprove neglect? As the wife of a social worker, I understand the concept of "enmeshment" pretty well. True enmeshment exists when an adult child is unable to separate from the parent. The parent pulls the apron strings, and the child does whatever the parent wants done. Adult children in enmeshed homes are unable to make decisions for themselves, and do in fact find themselves "dependent upon (the parent) to a very significant degree, and relying on (the parent's) views and actions to protect him and to keep him alive." Enmeshment often occurs in drug- and alcohol-related situations, when the adult child facilitates the addiction, lying for the parent, getting prescriptions for pain medication and giving them to the parent, giving the parent money to buy drugs or alcohol, and so on. Clearly this is dysfunctional, and a parent raising a child this way might be considered abusive.
There's a clear distinction, though, between an enmeshed adult child and a school-aged child. It is both normal and healthy for a young child to be “strongly aligned emotionally and intellectually with his mother, dependent upon her to a very significant degree, and relying on her views and actions to protect him and to keep him alive.” This is particularly true in the case of a child with a severe allergy, who really does depend on his parent to keep him alive. And if a mother in that situation feels the school is not taking the problem seriously, one would expect her to communicate that concern to her child. That is NOT neglect! In fact, that is precisely the kind of care and concern a parent SHOULD have for their child.
It really is disturbing to find school and court authorities collaborating to make the life of this family more difficult than it already is. One can only hope that this decision will be appealed and overturned. As for the rest of us, caution is warranted - "enmeshment" is apparently a new argument school officials will be trying in order to get our kids back under their control.